Kyle and I have been married 17 years, and while I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, we also haven’t made a major effort to celebrate it. It’s challenging to get out on that specific day, and even if it weren’t, it’s also just a day.

But I get that there’s pressure to make it a Thing, either extrinsic or intrinsic, and that’s okay. If you’re feeling like you wish you could go out on a lovely date this Valentine’s Day, but babysitting is too expensive, or one of you has to work, or it’s otherwise not feasible to get out, perhaps our own plans will give you a boost of encouragement.

Here’s how we’re spending this Valentine’s Day.

1. The same, but better.

We’re making our usual homemade pizza, but this time we’ll also add a bottle of wine, we’ll add some popcorn in our movie night, and we’ll make a dessert (this is on my short list). We might toss in a board game, if we’re not too tired. Basically, what we almost always do on Friday nights, but which zhuzh.

2. Simple, and with the gift of time.

We don’t want to spend much money, and we both recently confessed to feeling in need of some personal time (we’ve both been working a lot lately). So, we’ve scheduled time within the next month for each of us to claim a day to rest — do whatever. Not a flat-out holiday, not a check-out day to go nuts, just a day to be. The gift is in not working. It’s the best gift I could think of right now.

3. Celebrate other kinds of love.

Our kids will be with us for Valentine’s Day, and that’s perfectly fine with me. It might be my kids’ ages, but right now, I’m not feeling the need to escape from them, I’m more in the need to relish in more quality time with them. (That’s not always the case, so if you aren’t saying the same thing right now — I’ve been there, too.)

They’ll have that movie night with us, and also that popcorn and dessert, too. It would also be fun to have coffee with a friend earlier in the day, if I had the time.

Love comes to us in different ways, in different relationships.

4. Ultimately, nothing — because later.

We’re going on a date later. In my mind, there’s nothing particularly special about February 14. Right now these days we try to go on a date at least twice a month — once out for dinner, then once out for a quick drink in our neighborhood. Knowing that’s on the table means I’m very, very cool with not spending tons of money going to an overcrowded restaurant specifically on Valentine’s Day.