I have decided not to buy a Fitbit. I know everyone was on the edge of their seats, waiting to see if I would.

I am nothing if not a trendsetter for personal health habits (I say this completely tongue-in-cheek, my favorite sport is croquet after all.) But no, I have decided.

No Fitbit for me. No counting steps, no running circles around my kitchen island before bed, no tracking calories and heart rates and rest.

I am done with numbers. Done. Done. Done.

If there was a way to turn off the numbers of Likes and Follows and Friends on every social media account I have, I would do it in a heartbeat.  I am so over numbers (my apologies to all the statisticians out there.)

I blame my speedometer.

You see, a few months ago, it broke. Flat out broke. And since my car is a very mom-of-teenagers-paid-for-tank-utility sort of vehicle I didn’t bother taking it in to get it fixed. Instead I installed a speedometer app on my phone (yep, that’s a thing,) and adjusted.

Only, I don’t use the app as much as I thought I would. For one, my phone keeps falling off my dash. And for two, well, I discovered that I am a lot less anxious without it.

Why I won't buy a Fitbit

We live out in the country, ten miles outside a nice little college town, and between home and town I rarely have the opportunity to go faster than 60 mph. In fact I would guess that on average I spend most of my time driving in the 45-50 mph range. But I couldn’t tell you for sure, because, I don’t look.

These days I just drive. I speed up and I slow down when I need to. I don’t ride anyone’s bumpers, I yield and stop and go as signs and lights direct me, I try to neither impede nor endanger others on the road.

I just drive.

And you know what? It is amazing. It is relaxing. It is freedom.

I no longer rush when I drive. I gave it up when I realized that I could no longer do that frantic eye dance between my speedometer and the clock, pushing my car just a little bit faster as I try to beat the clock to my next appointment.

Which used to be the only way I drove. Fast, harried, anxious, racing – always racing. It was me and the speedometer against the clock and the traffic cop – always trying to squeeze in more miles than I had time for.

But once I no longer had my speedometer front and center, my desire to drive at warp speed began to dissipate.

The frenetic pace I had kept for so long began to lose its appeal, and soon I noticed that I was just driving, not zooming or speeding or racing. And I liked it. I liked not having a number to beat.

Why I won't buy a Fitbit

Now, I give myself a wide berth of travel time. I pad my leaving and arriving times to account for slow drivers, trucks filled with hay bales, unexpected downtown traffic jams (think Stars Hollow size downtown.)

Occasionally I go into the city an hour away, and when I get on the interstate I open the app and set my cruise control and away I go.

I drive faster, yes, but I still can’t seem to work myself into a hurry anymore. I’ve lost my edge. And I love it.

Which is why I am not getting a Fitbit or any sort of step counting device.

I don’t want to go backwards.

I don’t want to find another way to race against myself, or time, or you.

I don’t want to be anxious or competitive or stressed about the simplest human action that I am privileged to be able to do still – walking on this earth on my own two legs.

I do not want – or need – the temptation to quantify a beautiful walk on the beach, a day of antiquing with friends, a walk down our country road, the many laps I walk around our church each Sunday as I love and hug and serve.

I don’t want to get to the end of a great rainy Saturday, one I spent laughing with my kids, eating homemade chicken-n-dumplings, and reading a delish book, and regret that I didn’t take enough steps.

I don’t want the pace of my life to be set by an external force, but instead I want to be guided by a internal voice.

One that says be still and know.

Why I won't buy a Fitbit

Life is too short to measure my days, my moments, and my memories by the amount of likes an Instagram picture got, how many Twitter followers I have, books I’ve sold, or steps I’ve taken.

So, technically yes, I need a new speedometer for my car. But I think I am going to pass on installing one on my life.

I think instead, I will just live.